St. Nick and the Blind Men

   Advent has not started out as I hoped (shocker, I'm like a record on repeat every liturgical season;)) but today I was blessed with a gift. A gift, despite my hesitation and insecurity, I feel compelled to share. I had big hopes of starting Advent off on the right foot with the advent wreath ready and I knew the house would not be decorated for the season yet, but I was hoping to at least have started and incorporated some basic Advent prayers/activities into our routine.  It's not a total fail but it's pretty close.  I've been looking forward to St. Nicholas Day as a day to reset, first day I take a full day off from school, get some stuff out of the house to make room for Advent and Christmas, and a day without activies so we enjoy a peaceful night as a family and dig out some of the decorations and decorate together.  A day to talk about punching heretics...  and the care of the poor and defending the church. But today I was given a gift so much more special than all these things on my list. 

   I ended up not purchasing the Advent devotional I had been planning on getting and thought a few resources I had for personal prayer during Advent would be enough. Although I have been able to stick to prayer and reflection every day, the Advent aspect of it I felt was lacking.  Today, I started with the Magnificat which takes me through morning prayer and the mass. I would add my Advent reflection book and webseries after I had read the readings of the day.  I had been regretting not getting the Advent journal I planned on spending money on, feeling like I was missing out on the Advent aspect of my prayer time. 

   Some might say what happened is coincidence, or me searching and finding what I want to find. But I know Jesus heard my heart. I know he responded.  The gospel reading today was the reading about Jesus healing two blind men, he tells them not to tell anyone what has happened, but they do.  Matthew 9: 27-31. Friends, this is a story I have heard or a read countless times.  I'm fairly certain I've read reflections about it's meanings before, which are all good.  But today was different and special. As I was sitting there reading in the same spot I often do, where I often go through the motions despite my best efforts not to, my eyes were opened. I could envision Jesus in the house of the blind men, asking them with quiet peaceful love, "Do you believe I can do this?" I can picture the men, eager, not only to be able to see,  but oh they sincerely believed Jesus could. They knew He could. They had faith.  They truly believed He could work miracles, even on them.  In awe and wonder, they believed. But what really got me was then I pictured Jesus, his calm demeanor, his tender touch, his quiet but sincere words raised to heaven, in communion with His Father, the peace He exuded.  The glory and awe of his whole presence and demeanor, in-explainable, for a moment overshadowing the miracle he was working. This might sound insignificant, it almost sounds silly to me now, but I cannot describe what I felt and saw or pictured this morning. It was so strong and real I was a crying mess. I felt like I had a real glimpse of Jesus. And it was so powerful to feel that, to glimpse him and his loving glory, I could not stop crying. He was so filled with love and sincerity, I cannot describe it.  

    How many times do we read the stories of Jesus, as just another "story" and one we have heard countless times. How many times do we read or listen without even really taking in what we are reading.  What would happen if we let it wash over us. If we entered into the spectacularness of what is really happening in what we are reading. What if we took the time to let it speak to us, to open our hearts.  This was all so much for me, to just experience Jesus and even the Father this way.  But He had more for me to learn from this.  Jesus told the blind men not to tell anyone. They didn't listen, I'm not going to comment on that but what I was led to thinking about was, how could they not?  How could they not share not only that Jesus actually healed them, but I think they, and everyone who was spreading the news about Jesus was sharing because of everything else about Him too.  How just by being with Him, you knew there was something real and true, His whole presence and demeanor exuded the glory, the peace, the love of God.  If we really let ourselves enter into what we believe, if we let it wash over us, if we believe what we say we believe, we won't be able not to share the beauty of our God. May we let Jesus wash over us in a real way this Advent, may we open our hearts to him in a real way. May we let him love us.  Yes, He wants to transform us, but He wants to really love us first. By letting ourselves be truly loved by him, by feeling his presence, that is how He will transform us.  

   There are lots of reflections on this story, and all the stories of the bible, that's one of the beautiful things about the gospel, the bible, you can always learn something new.  

  I share this with much humility and even trepidation but I share it because how could I not after the gift I was given today.  So Happy Feast of St. Nicholas!  

P.S. We have some awesome priests here in Pittsburgh. Sharing with permission:) 

Rebuild my church

I've been wanting to start over on a new writing space for a long while now, because honestly, 3 kids later although I still love my heels, they don't come out as often any more... but that's another story for another day.  A new writing space just hasn't made it to the priority list. I've been kicking it old school recently and writing a lot on paper but I really felt the desire today to share some thoughts reflecting on the sad fire at the Cathedral of Notre Dame.

A few years ago I learned more about St. Francis of Assisi than the trite common knowledge of his love of animals and nature and since I've really admired him, and been annoyed by his simplification.   But I have been even more drawn to him since the release of PA Grand Jury report on priest sexual abuse.  The call to rebuild our beloved church seems so fresh and raw.  You see, St. Francis wasn't this just meek and mild peaceful nature lover who  sat around talking to birds. He was out to create radical change in the church and the way Catholics lived,  a return to true devotion to God and self sacrifice.  This, after a lavish playboy style youth. After experiencing a vision he heard God calling him to "repair" His church. At first, Francis thought God meant literally repairing the crumbing church structure.  After some time, by what some would consider extreme measures, working on this, which was needed as well, Francis realized that God was actually calling him to spiritually rebuild his church.  St. Francis of Assisi was a truly passionate man who if you met today you would probably think was not normal but through him some radical changes were made.

After reading about Notre Dame I couldn't help but think of Francis the call the rebuild the church. Apparently Notre Dame was in bad disrepair in many aspects.  There were already efforts underway to try to restore the structure at exponential costs.  The process of repairing the church was in process.  As I sat staring at the flames appearing to gut the structure I couldn't help but think of God telling us, it's not enough to repair my structure you need to rebuild and restore spiritually. Then I heard, albeit  brief, accounts in the news of the songs and prayers being prayed around the church. My heart sang when I finally caught a glimpse of these faithful servants of God, not crying in despair, but on their knees praying and singing to God outside the church as they watched the flames spread and appear to engulf the structure. The tragedy brought people out on the streets, praying on their knees for all to see as a beautiful witness of the roots of our faith.  This tragedy of destruction of one of our most treasured churches was already demonstrating and rebuilding and restoring and repairing our church in one of the most basic and beautiful and important ways.  God never ceases to amaze me in his way to bring beauty of ashes. Literally and figuratively.

Later as I was thinking about how this happened at the start of Holy Week and simultaneously feeling like a failure in carrying out Lent in our home, or lack thereof, I thought of this tragedy. And the reminder that every day, every  season, we are called to rebuild. When beloved churches go up in flames, when we fail at our spiritual goals, or any goals, we are called to lean on God and repair, rebuild and start anew.  I might not have carried out Lent how I intended but it is the start of Holy Week and I can start rebuilding again right now.  God provides us an opportunity to restart and rebuild every day in little ways in our homes and communities. Now, for me, by simply rededicating myself and my family, my efforts, this week to enter more fully and deeply into Lent and restore and rebuild.

For those of you reading this not in my or any little Catholic bubble, please know that there so very many of us dedicated to rebuilding our church, and not just our structures. We are trying in big ways by being more active and vocal in our parishes and beyond, and we are trying in small ways (which in the end I don't think are so small) every day in our homes with our families and our interactions with everyone we meet. Don't expect perfection from us because we are after all sinners. But know we are working hard on rebuilding our church.

Hey Stupid, It's Me, God and My Son is coming

I'm not supposed to use the word stupid as Aurora reminds me when I slip, but that is how I felt tonight as the importance and weight of the Christmas season hit me full scale tonight.

I'm going to try to sum this up fairly quickly but if you have read some of my random posts before, you know that isn't my speciality.

It all started back in October.  My step-grandmother passed away, Gramma Harriet.  She was an amazing woman.  I'm not going to lie, although I loved her and appreciated her and her love for my children and thought she was a fantastic person, I wasn't incredibly close with her. It did hurt to see her go. Seeing my stepmom's, Jackie, sadness was hard.  Seeing my stepsisters' sadness hard.  Seeing the rest of the family's pain was hard.  It hurt, it still does.  Gramma Harriet had been living with my dad and Jackie for several years now.  I know this Christmas will be different for them.  Gramma loved chocolate covered pretzels.  I loved making them for her for Christmas.  There wasn't much she needed, and I loved making snacks she loved.  Last week Jackie and my dad had to put down one of their dogs.  It has been a rough fall for Jackie.  I could hear the sadness and pain in her voice. I just wanted to hand her happiness.

Backtracking again, the weekend after Gramma's funeral we went back home, to my in-laws, for the opening weekend of archery season.  We were blessed that Jacob got a small deer that weekend.  I was not mentally prepared for what we came home to Sunday evening at around 9pm in the evening we walked into an oddly humid house.  The humidity turned out to be from water spraying from a hot water pipe that had burst.  From the amount of water it looked it it burst the second we walked out he door 2.5 days ago.  It burst in our main bathroom which is on the first floor (the only bathroom we really use) and spread into the hallway and our bedroom extensively.  It had also done damage to the kitchen and dining room floors as well.  Jacob had just painstakingly repaired and refinished our bedroom hardwoods in April.  They were destroyed.  The water has rained into our basement all weekend destroying my "pantry", all the drywall in the basement, boxes of stored items, boxes of gifts prebought for Christmas, the bathroom in the basement and we would later figure out our washer.
So that happened.  Insurance is covering it.
After having multiple frustrating and failed experiences trying to find contractors, a flooring guy finally started to replace some of the hardwoods and refinish the rest this Monday.  Between Christmas and another baby coming around January 25, I decided the hardwoods were the most important because the moving of all the furniture would render most of our first floor (our bedroom, the dining room and the living room) unusable during the project and this needed done before the baby.  Although my bathroom has no drywall, vanity, sink or flooring, it has a toilet and bathtub so that is functional at least and only a one room project when we get to it.
The flooring guy and I worked out a schedule where the bedroom, hallway, dining room and living room would be done by Dec. 20 so we could move all the furniture back and get a tree up maybe a few days before Christmas.
I was feeling slightly depressed because I wanted to decorate but I had no time or space between preparing for moving everything in those rooms and those rooms being unusable but I kept telling myself after the work started I would decorate the upstairs where the kids' rooms are and the porch and entryway and kitchen and that this would be enough and WE WOULD GET A TREE UP in the livng room BEFORE CHRISTMAS!  
Late Monday night, early Tuesday morning, my father in law had a heart attack.  Thank God, he survived.  We were waiting to figure out what would happen next for him.  Then Tuesday afternoon, 5 minutes before I should pick Aurora up from school, in the middle of simultaneously starting dinner and unloading groceries, the flooring guy tells me that they found asbestos and he had torn out what was in the area he was working on that day but he thinks there is more in the kitchen and/or bathroom.  I am supposed to get Aurora, NOW, so I don't fully process but I know this is bad.
So he removed the asbestos and the rooms were taped off but the kitchen definitely wasn't fully taped off and he carried the bag full of and probably covered in asbestos dust through my kitchen, living room and entryway.
I pick up Aurora from school.  I talk to Jacob.  He says there is probably dust all over, get out of the house.  The dust shouldn't be disturbed.  Thank gosh Aunt Kelly has off work this week, talk about timing.  She normally works long hours.  We go to Kelly's.  Eventually Jacob goes home to assess the situation and call our Home Owners Insurance guy who is handling the claim from the pipe burst because the flooring work is a result of that.  After seeing dust everywhere he and the homeowners guy decide we shouldn't go in the house, we should get an asbestos test done.  I text Jacob a list of things I can think of that we need for a night or two.  On the way to meet me at Kelly's Jacob realizes the alternator in his car is going.  Between staying somewhere other than home and Aurora still going to school, we really can't be without the second car for too long. Jacob decides to drop it off at Pep Boys that night because they can have it done by the next day.
Wednesday.  Jacob's dad has a cath, they ballon him twice and put a stent in.  He does very well.  Thank God.  Someone comes to get a sample to test for asbestos.  Pep Boys says that it is just the battery, which would be a relief but Jacob doesn't really think that is the case. They insist that is all it was.  Wednesday night we do Aurora's gymnastics class and move to Jacob's grandmother's house (which is two down from his sisters' house).  Gramma's house is empty, she passed in June, but here are beds and heat and water and everything we need.
Thursday. Sample isn't back yet but I would really like in the house.  There is no more exposed asbestos currently except in the dust around the house.  We decide Jacob will wear a respirator and clean the house throughly so regardless of how long this process takes (complete removal and cleaning of remaining asbestos under the other floors that need redone) we can get back into our house for a few days and some things need done.  Keep in mind, I literally dropped everything when I left Tuesday, making dinner, there was a bowl of wheat and a bowl of yeast growing on the counter for dinner and groceries just sitting in the entryway.  That evening on the way home from work to clean the house, Jacob realizes he was right about the car.  Clearly this was not a battery issue.  The alternator is still bad.  And now we have to figure out another day without a car and appointments.  Cleaning is taking longer than Jacob expected. After Aurora's dance class I'm back at Jacob's grandmothers he is still at our house cleaning.  We are both stressed.  We are tense with each other.  I get the kids in bed and...

I just cry for the first time this week. I am sad, I'm not going to have my house back to normal at all before Christmas no matter how this situation moves forward.  I love the Christmas season.  Not Santa, or the presents. I love the smell of Christmas. I love the decorations around the house. I love the baking, the gift wrapping, the smell, the activities.  All these things are passing me by and I'm probably not even going to have a tree in my house.
Don't get me wrong, I have felt very blessed through all of this.  When the pipe first burst, my mother in law and Aunt Maryanne were at the house the next day helping me sort through things, clean, take care of my children and anything.  When things took a turn this week, my Aunt Kelly was off work and took us in her home, which was beautifully decorated for Christmas, she fed us.  She spoiled my children at Build A Bear.  She let us use her car for a day.  My sisters' in law made sure Gramma's house had clean sheets and was clean for my kids (Sarah is renovating to buy and move in eventually).  They had a small tree lit and decorated and even made it smell Christmasy.  There was a nativity out. They let my kids hang out at their house which is beautifully decorated  and make a mess. Tonight Erin watched Max so I didn't have to take him to Aurora's dance class (which was amazing, Jacob normally works late on this night so I am always chasing him) and when I got back Amanda (their roommate who is like and Aunt) bathed them for me.  Through out this whole thing, Jacob and I were thankful.  We know it could be worse.  Heck, at least we have a home that needs fixed.  But something was off.  I wasn't going to get to have what I love about about Christmas in my house but I was so blessed, why wasn't this enough.  I was wallowing in a cup of tea in Gramma's kitchen in her rocking chair listening to my favorite spiritual Christmas station on Pandora (Breath of Heaven, try it, is awesome, thank you Claudia Predis) and O Come O Come Emmanuel came on. I'm listening and as the REJOICE! REJOICE! Emmanuel Shall Come to you Oh Israel I realize, Jesus is coming! Jesus is being born! That is what we are celebrating.  Not only is this season not about Santa or gifts, it isn't about how I want to experience it. No matter what is going on, no matter where I am, whether or not I have a tree, we are still celebrating Jesus' birth and that is what is important.  Jesus is coming regardless and that is what I should be focusing on.  And we had already done the angel tree and some other special giving but somehow I hadn't connected the two.  It was just part of the Christmas season.  I had been talking to Aurora about the true reason for Christmas.  What we are really celebrating. I had told her this, but apparently it had been somewhat lost on me.  A light had been turned on. I have always known and seen people get caught up in the season and miss what the real meaning is and here I was doing the same thing over a tree and lights and smells and baking when Jesus is still coming.
Don't forget to just celebrate Jesus.

"It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you got." Sheryl Crow Soak Up the Sun

So I haven't kept up with this like I wanted.... for over a year now. And it is killing me because I don't scrapbook or print pictures regularly (who does anymore other than my grandparents? And in light of my slacking, good for them!) and I want memories so this is probably the easiest thing for me to do for now.  So I've been meaning to get back to this for me but I have to admit I have had a little extra motivation.

My friend Nataly from The Busy Budgeting Mama is throwing this Ohio Valley Blogger Conference this Friday at Ikea. I love Nataly, I love an excuse to see her espeically since she moved to the other other side of the city, I love Ikea and she included these awesome swag bags (I don't yet know what is in them, but I'm sure it is a lot of awesomeness).  Oh, and then my wonderful friend Nicole whom I've know since high school is going too.  You can find her at being.messy.beautiful. So they both got on me and although I knew I was totally out of my league, I agreed to go.  Holy smokes, these ladies going are on top of their blog game so I am just going to smile and enjoy the company, food, drinks and swag bags. I'm secretly also hoping for a shopping discount....
I figure if I'm going to this thing I should at least get one post up right?

I'm all about the the simple moments... I think that is what my last blog post over a year ago was about, but a few Friday's ago I was reminded not only is about the small moments, but just enjoying what you have.  It really hit me that night.

We were going to have a simple night of grilling hot dogs and sausages for dinner and I made this awesome raw kale salad that is now one of our summer veggie favorites.  Jacob had been wanting to do a fire with the kids for a while and even though it was pretty warm, we did.  Then he thought, let's just grill the hot dogs and sausages over the fire.  We forgot we had long metal skewer so Aurora helped him find some sticks in the yard and he whittled the ends down and we put sausages and hot dogs on sticks to cook.

And the kids cooked and ate and played and cooked and ate and played and we all enjoyed the night and relaxed.  The absolute great part about this was that I forgot about the half of our yard, directly next to the patio we were playing on, which has been in shambles for close to a year. What was supposed to be a quick project, turned into a not so quick project and as Jacob took on a new role at work, that added to it taking even longer. For the past 10 months it had been hard for me to go outside and not think about getting the yard finished.  Here is the thing, it is mostly aesthetics.  The project thus far has given us a flatter yard with a nice concrete patio for the kids to play with ride on toys which they love and it gives us a sitting area around their play area which we and they love.  Also, despite about 1/3 of the yard being dirt, we have plenty of grassy yard left for the kids along with the patio.  It was so nice to have an evening where I didn't think about what still needed done, but I just enjoyed what was done, what was there.  Perhaps this was somewhat easier knowing that 1.5 weeks later the collapsed retaining wall would be replaced and that would allow us to do the rest of the yard... but I still learned something.
We ended the evening with Jacob spraying them with the hose to clean them off, which they loved and it it just turned into spraying fun.  So much fun, Jacob let them spray him too.
What a good time we had enjoying what we had.

The Simple Moments are the Best No Matter Where You Are

Somehow on a day when Jacob is working over 12 hours (the only one so far while we are here mind you, so I can't complain) and we are in a hotel room my wonderful children have blessed me by napping at the same time for over an hour and counting already.  I'm not sure how I managed to accomplish this feat but it is wonderful and weird at the same time. At home I would be running around like a mad woman trying to accomplish every thing on my to-do list. Here, that list is pretty short and I find myself wondering what to do with my time.  It is glorious.  On a normal day at home, I would never dream of writing in the middle of day but here it seems like the perfect thing to do.
We have been here 2 weeks and day thus far and I have so much to share about our great trip.  We were scheduled to leave tomorrow but we have been having such a wonderful relaxing time we have decided to stay another week.  Jacob is here for work for another week and a half anyway so why not enjoy a little longer. I seriously thought with two kids in a hotel room I would be totally ready to go home after almost 2.5 weeks but other than a little hesitation about missing Easter, it seemed to make sense to stay.  I am really anxious to get the garden back home going but what is one more week when we have the opportunity to stay on vacation and be a whole family for another week.
We are all immensely enjoying spending so much time together without all the stresses of normal everyday things at home.  What has been most amazing to me is how no matter where we are, in Pittsburgh or Puerto Rico, some of my favorite memories are of such simple things. Yes, we love taking Aurora to the Pittsburgh Zoo and the Children's Museum and to the Rainforest and Aquarium here, but my favorite memories really are the everyday ones.  At home, of all of us snuggled on the bed together just talking and here Jacob and I so enjoyed our walk home from dinner and gelato where Aurora wanted to carry her ice cream cup and walk and eat back to the hotel.  We relished her walking and talking with a chocolate covered face and chocolate dripping down her dress.  And I think Jacob's favorite time was when were driving back to the hotel one day. We had stopped at a roadside produce stand and got some mini-bananas. Aurora was eating one in the back seat with the biggest smile on her face and the wind blowing in her hair.

So I'm home how. I started writing this when were still in Puerto Rico obviously but there were issues with picture uploading and a post without pictures seemed silly. So below are some of my favorite simple moments in Puerto Rico

Nap time:)

Easter Morning

Hiking in the Rain Forest.

I love my independent adventurous girl.  She climbed the Acropolis in Athens by herself (well not all the way but mostly) at less than 1 year old and she hiked almost all the way to and from the waterfall in El Yunque by herself.  For me this walk with her was more memorable than the waterfall…. could be partly due to the extremely high anxiety I was having over her falling in the water.

Taking it upon herself to do summersaults down the hill in front of  El Morro fort in Old San Juan.  

Waiting to see the Easter Bunny at the hotel. 

Cooling off in the spray from a fountain in Old San Juan. 

Enjoying dessert Easter Sunday. 

Despite my insistence that her brother's swim shirt would not fit her she just had to prove me wrong.

Christmas From 3 to 4

We are a family of four.  There is something funny about it.  Jacob always considered us a family, even when it was just the two of us.  When Aurora made 3, it definitely felt more like a family.  We definitely considered ourselves a family and felt more like adults than we thought like we actually were.

But Max somehow makes it even more solidified now for us.  It is hard to describe… as we grow as a family, somehow we are more of a family. More love, more work, more stress, more fun… more of the good and hard but better.
I say more stress lightly now because Max is such a great baby.  The most stressful thing Max does is poop a lot.  Seriously a lot.  But other than that thus far he pretty much eats and sleeps.  When he is awake, unless he is actually hungry he is happy.
Aurora is doing wonderful. She spent most of the first day in the hospital with us and when given the choice in the evening to stay longer with mom and Max or go to dance class, she seemed torn. Dance class won but that is understandable.  Unfortunately that night she started the stomach virus that we all passed around eventually.

She is doing great with Max. She always wants to be around him and "help."  Her version of help and my version of help are two different things but she has good intentions.  The only way I noticed her reacting with any jealously was the first couple of days she became daddy's girl as I was constantly feeding, changing and tending to Max.  She became even more of daddy's girl than usual.  The stomach virus catching up with me on Christmas Eve night/Day did not help either.  I got out of bed to watch her open gifts and other than that and feeding Max, I was pretty much sleeping the rest of the day.  Max had got it too so he didn't mind sleeping with me. This is most of what my Christmas day was.  

Aurora resting up after a long couple of days. 

She did not want to hold Max for a while but finally she felt up to it. Awesome hair, I know.

Christmas Eve we spent with Jacob's cousins in Pittsburgh. I really appreciated being able to share Christmas Eve with family and be able to go home to our house. This was the first year that we were in the U.S. and didn't go to Erie/Girard/Conneautville for Christmas Eve and Christmas. Between having a 4 day old baby and wanting to spend Christmas morning in our own house, we decided it was a good year to start spending Christmas at our own home.  And although I was really looking forward to this, I was missing spending time with extended family so having family here in Pittsburgh to spend Christmas Eve with was great. This was great for Aurora too, she got to spend the night with her cousins and enjoy a visit from Santa.

Trying to spy Santa arriving.

Waiting for Santa

We let her open a few presents not from Santa on Christmas Eve. 

And we can finally go to bed.  

Not in College Anymore

We had a fantastic weekend…. (a few weekends ago now) I mean Jacob had a Reserve weekend this weekend and that was kind of a bummer but I got to see some great college friends and go shopping… seriously how could that be bad. On top of that the weather was beautiful and Aurora had a good weekend too… minus the shopping.
Now when the some of my college friends get together, we enjoy kid friendly activities. Friday we enjoyed the beautiful weather at the zoo with Courtney and Carla, some friends from Gannon, and Carla's 16 month old son Mason.  Unfortunately I had not seen Courtney and Carla since the spring some time maybe.  I was worried I missed too much but there is something special about friends who cannot talk often enough and pick right back up where they left off. I'm bad at keeping in touch, sending cards of any kind, especially birthday and thank you's, so I whole heartedly appreciate friends (and family) who accept this about me and pick up like nothing has changed.
I love having a zoo membership. We can go and only get through 1/2 the zoo… or less and I don't feel obligated to stay to get my monies worth. I know I'll be back.  The Pittsburgh Zoo had a great… fantastic kids area.  This takes us a couple hours including play time.

I didn't get them in the picture but this guy loved Aurora's sparkly shoes.   

Between my back pain from the pregnancy and the lack of caffeine I was feeling pretty worn out by the time we were done with the kids area. Also, my husband was at home making a fresh shrimp lunch for us. Although he did not take us with him on his work trip to Florida that week, he did bring home some fresh, huge Gulf shrimp.  Aurora however was not ready to go so we checked out the sharks and polar bear before heading out.

That evening, I got to do something I don't do nearly enough. We had a ladies dinner at Cheesecake Factory with Courtney, Carla and Ashley joined us as well.  I'm not big on chain restaurants but Cheesecake Factory is one of the few exceptions.  I have never had a bad anything there. I managed a somewhat modest dinner so I could indulge in cheesecake and an unfortunately NA beverage after dinner.  As usual, all delicious! I had originally thought I would go out with the girls for a drink or two after dinner, me having juice or water of course.  I even thought I was going to make it to my wonderful cousin's anniversary party.  But by the time dinner was over and we did a quick trip to the mall, heavens sakes, it was almost 9pm!  I needed to stop at Home Depot and run to Giant Eagle to grab milk on the way home.  My loser self was not even up for a quick stop at a low key bar or running into the city to celebrate an Anniversary. I had throughly enjoyed the company but I just wanted to go home and lie on the couch.  I'm totally blaming that loser moment on the pregnancy. So I stopped at Home Depot, got distracted by the 75% shrubs and plants outside, grabbed what I needed, ran into GE for milk and went home laid on the couch and I think I might have passed out before 11pm.  If I didn't feel old already, which I did, the realization of how lame that was definitely rubbed it in.